COMPTON CA. In an API news release the “Compton Daily Shooter” reporter , Gross Paul, follows up on interviews from Hell. After persisting rumors that the entrance to hell was located in an obscure industrial park in Compton California. Our investigative reporter ventured into the vicinity to verify the rumors. After an exhaustive search Paul’s car ran out of gas just after sunset in the general vicinity of the suspect industrial area. Several hours later while searching on foot he found Rotten Robbie’s gas station on East Compton and South Atlantic Avenues. In the process of purchasing a quart of gas in an Old English 800 bottle ($2.36 per gallon) , the gas station attendant “Anthony Bunker Spreckels the III” confirmed that in fact Paul had found an entrance to hell. Bunker told him “all cut rate gas stations with bullet proof gas are in fact entrances to hell”. Further questioning revealed that the devil’s name is, G.W. Bush. Bush was appointed after an unconventional election in purgatory. He said “the idea here is to make sure Hell is well funded through gasoline sales”. Apparently attendants are chosen based on an individual’s character and are considered top rate jobs in hell. Mr. Spreckels went on to state “yea, the perks are pretty good, I can some times trade gas for a dime bag or some pot when accountant, Jim Morrison, is doing the books. We split the stuff and then get high in the bathroom. Sometimes I get a surf report from geeks on their way home to Chino. Sometimes I can even surf at the Santa Ana jetties after heavy rain.” Mr. Paul asked about who we would find in hell we get there? Bunker’s response was surprising, “we got every Pope including their wives and family down here, in fact there is quite a few men of the cloth showing up lately. The devil is pissed and giving these guys hell because these church guys are trying to take all of credit.” Of critical importance to the governments of all countries, is the issue of “recruitment development” for hell. Political insiders say that there is increased funding for this. When asked directly about this Mr. Spreckels was forthcoming. “We have recruiters everywhere, in fact our push now is centered on the entertainment and surfing industries. We find that in these areas our effectiveness is most efficient both financially and in the number of individuals ready for the plunge.” Look for an upcoming interview in the Compton Daily Shooter, financial section with Hell’s CFO Louis Farrakhan shortly after he dies. This interview will deal mainly with investment opportunities in hell. API
Here’s your opportunity to remain credible and delete this political post.