I feel quite sure that we each have at least one of the last
tools on this list but I can't find mine.**
BELT SANDER**: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
**WIRE WHEEL**: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh shit'.
**DRILL PRESS**: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
**Channel Locks**: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
**HACKSAW**: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
**VISE-GRIPS**: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.OXYACETYLENE TORCH**: Used almost entirely for igniting various flammable objects in your shop and creating a fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.**TABLE SAW**: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
Very effective for digit removal !!**HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK**: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.**BAND SAW**: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut large pieces into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST**: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of all the crap you forgot to disconnect.PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER**: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT
SCREWDRIVER:
A tool
for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted
screws into non-removable screws and butchering your
palms.
PRY
BAR:
A tool used to
crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to
remove in order to replace a 50 cent
part.
PVC
PIPE CUTTER:
A tool
used to make plastic pipe too
short.
HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the
hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most
expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to
hit.
UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the
contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door. Works particularly well
on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic
bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic
parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in
use.
SON OF A BITCH TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw
across the garage while yelling ‘Son of a bitch’
at the top of your lungs. It is
also, most often, the next tool that you will
need.
No virus found in this message.
Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com/
Version: 2013.0.2899 / Virus
Database: 2641/6147 - Release Date:
03/04/13
