Re: hi jase ! To: Fatbaslardass
Date Sent:
Sep 22, 2006, 4:58 PM
…you …are …NOT …really …going … to …post …them …to …me …are …you ???
but what about the men with masks on ?
and the aliens ?
are you sure you will be okay , fatty ??
ben
Re: hi jase ! From: Fatbaslardass
Date Sent:
Sep 22, 2006, 11:12 PM
No mate, I’ve decided to send them via courier as it is safer and quicker and is only costing £1,138.32 for his air fair plus expenses. But he can only go as far as Perth.
Actually a mate is flying out for a couple of weeks and will be in Perth for a few days, I was wondering if you are anywhere near there if you would meet up with him to pick fins up…and teach him to surf!!(he’s the geezer who I’m building the board for at the moment, and a top bloke aswell).
Get back to us mate.
Jason
Terribly English Jase (MMM)
Prioritise your karma dude!
this from a fellow pom …
"
Ben
Very funny!
Two things occur to me.
-
Jason / Fatty is obviously certifiable. And anyone sourcing blanks from Wickes obviously needs help!
-
You will never, ever see you fins. He hasn’t made them. He never will.
If you enjoy the slightly askew Pom view of life / surfing then you might like Richard Gregory’s site (here’s the links page within it: http://www.notcalifornia.co.uk/index.php?cPath=24&osCsid=f76468aa74c20b07728f0c8b1463c0bf). Anyone who champions the Brighton surfers (who brave poo-filled waves whilst trying to avoid the iron legs of a Victorian pier) deserves a cheer!
"
so I says to the “anonymous fellow pom”
I says I says …
"heyy yeah …
check out what Fatty does for a job , to , maaate !!"
back came the reply from o anonymous one …
" Social Care Manager??!!
One the land of the blind the one-eyed man etc!
Jason lives 200 miles from his ‘home’ break.
So do I.
Damn. I’ve more in common with the man than I thought! "
[ poor guy eh ?
seems like fatty is now no longer alone in the land of warm beer and torrid female nurses… ]
" so jase, what YEAR will these fins arrive by mystery man courier co. ??
Any chance I will be riding them before , oh say …2050 , perhaps ??"
fatty’s rejoinder …
" Re: your fins ,and your mate’s holidays ? From: Fatbaslardass
Date Sent:
Oct 4, 2006, 3:26 AM
2006 mate but I’m not sure how that translates into earth years…could be 45 BC, given that he is a time-traveller. I keep asking him to get the footie results for next week’s premiership games but some inter galactic trans time treaty forbids this kind of thing…apparently! He is meant to be in scabby for the last three or four days of his two weeks which starts next Monday so by my reckoning that should be about …errr…mmmm…ahh,yes…old on, carry the four…subtract the root…errr…Tahiti. No, shit, wrong formula, subtract the four and carry the root…mmm…err…fuck mate you work it out, in a couple of weeks.
do you reckon you’ll get time to take him to the beach and catch a few? That would be fuckin A if you could.
Take it easy mate, catch ya later.
Terribly English Jase (MMM)
Prioritise your karma dude!
Dude, the fins are in the suitacse! Sounds like WW1 code for some secret mish.
Tim is catching a 9.00 pm (eng time) flight today, they are on the way!!!
Mate don’t get too excited as they are in need of some more glass and sanding, I forgot that I’d not quite fiinished em before sticking em in the envelope.
When you get them, please note the engraved bit on the side under the glass (hold em at a 48 degree angle to a semi bright blue/green light).
I’ve passed your number on to him to bell you when he’s in Perth/Scabby, I’ve also given him my name and log-in for Sways so he can contact you via here if he needs to.
A note to the anonymous dude… Who’s laughing now…hahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahaha etc! Who and where are you? Where’s your “local” break?
the fins are in the suitcase over
antennaes on top of my head , i am receiving dome interference over
i am in scabby north aha aha
will await further encoded instructions oh fatty boomsticks cha cha cha
out
disclaimer …I’m not sure if I will follow these instructions to the letter , as Jason is 6’3" tall apparently ?!
" Re: fatty fatty cha cha kaBOOOOMMMM !!! From: Fatbaslardass
Date Sent:
Oct 14, 2006, 7:52 PM
give him a good slap around the back of the head and tell him its from me for reminding me where he was going on his holidays every 15 seconds…I couldn’t reach as he’s several feet taller than me.
Terribly English Jase (MMM)
Prioritise your karma dude!
"Re: fatty fatty cha cha kaBOOOOMMMM !!! From: Fatbaslardass
Date Sent:
Oct 15, 2006, 3:25 AM
EEErrrr damn eeet! rumbled again, but as fer beeing cockney, way no doooood, ignorant feck-wits they are, blissfully unaware (blissfully for the rest of the woyld) of anything ootside of jolly old London (which is shit!) Kind a like saying Sydney is Oz.
Mate yes he is a big lad but you could take him, just follow my training video for the next 6 days and buy my cook book for a healthyer lifestyle. Then smack him round the head with the book and break his nose with the video box. Tell him from me that he looks really gay in that pair of sandals, and no I dont wish I was that gay!
By the way Chip my screen names kind of ironic cos I’m 6’10" and look not too dissimilar to our Kelly Slater from the neck down, in fact…no, I’ll save that for another day.
Terribly English Jase (MMM)
Prioritise your karma dude!
"
Re: fatty fatty cha cha kaBOOOOMMMM !!! From: Fatbaslardass
Date Sent:
Oct 19, 2006, 6:05 AM
Lard Hamilton eh? Oh no that’s Laird not Lard. I saw some part of that dude’s training regime once where he picks up some huge f***ing rock and goes for a stroll under the sea with it…weird!
Any word from "Timmmmeeey " yet?
I haven’t had my post-card yet so I expect you to slap him hard for me.
Terribly English Jase (MMM)
Prioritise your karma dude! "
*************** “timmmaaaaay” , as you call him [the poor guy!]
is …
“in da house” !!! *****************************
he rang me last night [our time] … from Cairns [!!!]
he is forecast to arrive in Perth tonight ,
and
is ,
unfortunately ,
…staying in Belmont [I guess he liked the pommie sounding name , eh ??]
Belmont is a LONG way from the beach .
Hopefully , tomorrow , he will get a hire [?higher?] car , so he can make the trip to the coast , and we can meet .
he told me plenty about you …
be afraid , “Jase” …
be very , VERY afraaaaiiiiddd!!
bwahahah bwahahahhhh
cheers !
[slightly loopy ] ben[t]
hi again Jason !
8.30pm friday night here now ,
I’m hoping to hear from your mate Tim tomorrow , hopefully ?
cheers
ben
Hey Chip,
Didn’t realize you were a performance artist on show in Cannes!!!
“Chipfish in Cannes, great cultural learnings for Glorious Nation Oztralia”
you are a scary , scary man , Dave !
WHAT is that avatar ???
ben
now , where WAS I ?
[damn , that photo of sasha disturbed me [train of thought] !
oh yeah ,
Jason …
your mate Tim rang me today , and hopefully we will be meeting tomorrow
[rainy and onshore , just so he can freeze without a wetty , and feel right at home ]
I’m actually looking forward to meeting another maaaad pom , and of course , seeing these fabled fins , finally ! [that’s if they really DID get packed in the suitcase of course ???]
cheers
ben
hi Jason !
I just thought you might like to know …your mate Tim arrived here in Scarborough today .
We went for a paddle …
onshore , grey , weedy , small surf . [I think he felt right at home !!]
He paddled for a few on my 6’9 hull bottomed s-deck.
Tomorrow , being forecast to be offshore and possibly sunny , I will hopefully take down the 6’4 and 7’ single fins for him …something much easier to paddle and learn on
Anyway , that’s the update for now , Jase
cheers
ben
…and yes …he brought the fins with him too !! Thanks for those , mate ! Nice finish on them …what were the woods you used ?
it seems a shame to have to refoil them and fcs tab them to use them on a board or two …maybe , instead , I will just leave them as is , and put them on my “mantelpiece” [bookshelf]…
I guess some of you might actually be READING this stuff [???] wondering “where’s the fins” ?
well, wonder no more …
HERE they be …
"Re: fatty fatty cha cha kaBOOOOMMMM !!! From: Fatbaslardass
Date Sent:
Oct 30, 2006, 7:21 PM
Hey matey, he’s actually being quite charitable on all 4 counts, particularly the weiner thing!
Terribly English Jase (MMM)
Prioritise your karma dude!
well, what can i say ??
except …
" Re: fatty fatty cha cha kaBOOOOMMMM !!! To: Fatbaslardass
Date Sent:
Oct 30, 2006, 7:35 PM
GREAT to hear from you , mate
[i thought i had offended / pissed you off]
so are you glad to have missed out on meeting me mate ?! hehee
catchya buddy !
good luck with the weiner *
ben
- just remember …
“hot chocolate wrote a hit song about us , eh mate ? …”everyone’s a weiner , baby , THAT’S true " etc …
…have FUN !!!
back came the reply , quick as a flash from a wintry land on the other side of …somewhere ?!
" Re: hi jason fatty boomsticks ! From: Fatbaslardass
Date Sent:
Oct 30, 2006, 7:37 PM
No worries mate!
Just got back from a week at my local break (250 miles away). I’ve just seen Timmmmeeeeyy, he says Oz is shit and it’s good to be back! Not really, he said you are a top geezer and cheers for trying to teach him to surf (I should have warned you that he is uneducable). Catch you larter mate, must catch up on some work.
Terribly English Jase (MMM)
Prioritise your karma dude!
and another …he’s on a roll tonight ! [an egg roll , i believe !]
Re: fatty fatty cha cha kaBOOOOMMMM !!! From: Fatbaslardass
Date Sent:
Oct 30, 2006, 7:58 PM
No way dude, I don’t do offended, and pissed off is for the less fortunate than me (and less well endowed).
I am gutted not to have met you, Timmey is well buzzed about you taking time to show him round your local, we’ll have to arrange to meet up when I move out there in a couple of years. (It’s all in my 5 year plan mate)
Are the fins salvageable? Or are they paper-weights?
I beleive ABBA did one too The weiner takes it all (even got the pronunciation right thanks to the accents).
Terribly English Jase (MMM)
Prioritise your karma dude!
you guys are totally out of your trees
"
<span style="font-size:6px"> <span style="font-weight:bold">From:</span> <a href="http://gforum.cgi?username=Fatbaslardass;" class="bb-url"> Fatbaslardass </a>
Date Sent:
Nov 6, 2006, 5:42 AM
</span>What? you think they pay us to come to work in Britain? Nay lad, 22 hrs down 't' pit every day before I do my 15 hours a day here, and all for the love of queen and country. God save our gracious queen, etc etc.
I’ve eventually finished prepping 'Timmeeyy’s board ready for glassing, so hopefully it’ll be out of my garage in the next couple of weeks so I can get on with tarting my next board for myself. Yup, more deforesting is in order, another tree bites the dust.
Terribly English Jase (MMM)
Prioritise your karma dude!
"
