Some Aussie humour for all

This is a little long, and you have to read it slowly to digest it, but it is

great stuff. Enjoy it. Be patient and read it thoroughly.

Text of a letter from a kid from Eromanga, to Mum and Dad.

(For those of you not in the know, Eromanga is a small town west of

Quilpie in the far south west of Queensland.)

Dear Mum & Dad,

I am well.

Hope youse are too.

Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the Army is better than workin’ on

the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick smart before the jobs are all

gone!

I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don’t hafta get

outta bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before

brekky is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform.

No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack -nothin’!!

Blokes haz gotta shave though, but its not so bad, coz there’s lotsa hot

water and even a light to see what ya doing!

At brekky ya get cereal, fruit and eggs but there’s no

kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes. You don’t get fed

again until noon, and by that time all the city boys are buggered

because we’ve been on a ‘route march’ - geez, its only just like

walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

This one will kill me Brothers Doug and Phil with laughter.

I keep getting medals for shootin’ - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as

a bloody possum’s bum and it don’t move and its not firing back at ya

like the Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their

prize cows before the Ekka last year!

All ya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - its a

piece of piss!!

You don’t even load your own cartridges - they comes in little boxes

and ya don’t have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo

shooting truck when you reload! Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city

boys and I gotta be real careful coz they break easy - it’s not like

fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack and Boori and Steve and Muzza

all at once like we do at home after the muster.

Turns out I’m not a bad boxer either and it looks like I’m the best

the platoon’s got, and I’ve only been beaten by this one bloke from

the Engineers - he’s 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pick handles

across the shoulders, and as ya know I’m only 5 foot 7 and eight

stone wringin’ wet, but I fought him till the other blokes carried

me off to the boozer.

I can’t complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick

before word gets around how bloody good it is.

Your loving daughter,

Jill

Drew,

That’s classic. I’ve seen the same joke written for various places in the U.S. as well (deep south backwoods, mountain west, etc.).

Thanks for posting the oz version - it’s great!

Jim

good one drew. love the punchline mate.