You can't win.

Two years ago I’ve spent over a year in South Africa. Trying to do something good, I was coaching a ‘development surf-team’ in one of S.A’s. surfing hotspots. Basically those are poor township kids, a first generation of black surfers whose elders can’t swim and are afraid of the water. Some of them will become rippers, sponsored surfers, champions. In short, surfing could become a way out of poverty for them! Anyways, I really enjoyed working with them and felt grateful for the experience. I also taught them about good manners in the water -not to drop in, respect one another, etc…

One day one of the local shapers approached me in the water and told me off for “teaching the kaffa’s”. He argues that it’s crowded already and that “they have no manners in general” and don’t belong in the sea. He concludes that if I want to remain peaceful in his town, I shall refrain from my coaching.

To tell him that we are in Africa and that apartheid officially is over was pointless. Noting that the guy holds a legend (in his own mind) status, proclaims to be a freespirited hippie and drives an old VW with peace signs on it - isn’t that what’s called a paradox?

Anyways, I continued my coaching, got my tires ripped & my car waxed. Old legend and his fellows tried cutting me off on waves, I just ignored them;

-frustrated surf nazis!

All the while I had more fun hanging out in the townships with my black brothers, the real deal.

To conclude this story, I was paddling out at my homebreak today on a nice shoulderhigh day, as usual the crowd was out. Unless the surf is more serious I don’t use a leash and usually stay with my board. However, I did lose it once and swam in for it. Swimming after my board this african-american dude paddles by and splashes water in my face, telling me to go elsewhere !!!? I was so surprised that I was left speechless. Heck, I’ve never even seen the guy out there. Later when I do see him surf, I realize he’s a kook with bad stinkbug style, a johnny come lately maybe a soldier from ohau who’s been inspired by watching point break to many times? He’s definitely not been surfing long enough to realize the benefits of surfing without a leash on small days or generally that a little etiquette goes a long way. Point is; there are always sick minds trying to ruin your fun, no matter where you are or what you’re doing.

Nevermind, life is to good to worry about these assholes, I am going surfing. Just needed to write this out of my system, -feeling better now.

Aloha,

rob

put a copy of this letter on this guy’s wind shield.

tell him you posted it and it went international

and he had better get real hot soon

or every body 's gonna know its him in the letter.

when the kids from the townships get to visitin you while attending USC

introduce them to the american african guy.

you know he is more american than african…

god bless lucy all we share her as an ancestor

if’n he warnt would ya tole him he was a kook?

In vite him to church

so sundays might be uncrowded.

light a candle for him at San Juan Batista

an tell him you did it for his improvement.

…ambrose…

he dosent know nothing?

mebe you should ask him

if he needs a coach too?

Nice read.

I’d write something like ‘what goes around, comes around’, but it dosen’t work that way. Anyway, I’m jealous of your control. In my opinion, you definitely have the right approach. (And that includes not using a leash on smaller days.)

Thanks,

Kevin

sounds like much of a muchness to me.

I would have called you “kook” for losing your unleashed board in a huge crowd. Seems you need a leash if you can’t control your unleashed board at all times.

Good job on teaching the nonswinmmers to surf, but it doesn’t change your dangerous actions. Sounds like the biggots still roam S.A. Can’t we all just get along??? give peace, errr…I mean leash a chance!!! Has the wonderful S.A. Government taken any land any from you or your family?

How do you know “mr stink eye johnny come lately” was an african-american or even an american for that matter? Just as long as he had a leashed board and wasn’t dangerous in this very crowded surf area. Maybe you misunderstood stink eye for “oh crap, run away surfboard headed straight for me” fear in the eyes.

While we are on the topic of assumptions about americans…please don’t assume all americans believe lucy was the missing link or any ape is an ancestor of humans. The evidence for human evolution consists of a dubious interpretation of Lucy, and outright falsehoods about Java Man. Most americans believe humans were created by GOD. The real missing link is my 7’2" funboard with a leash of course.

lock this thread…lock this thread…lock this thread

The paradox…go look in the mirror!!!

JG

the lucy I was talking about

was created by charles shultz

who interpreted her perfectly as an amatuer Psychoatryst

mis understandings are rife in this day an age .

engaging in communication is good for thr mind body and soul

closing down in the name of the holy roman church or empire is out dated

and clearly a side step from the issue of

teach kooks to surf right.

and identify lame oids for who they are

and report them to the Gestapo for internment.

…ambrose…

If I were emperor…

things would be diffrent

and every body wokd think just like ME

Ah, what a relief. Someone to tell us what most Americans think. Now I can sleep at night. Mike

All hail Lucy. Darwin was right. NOW you can lock the thread. (balance, you know.)

What would lucy do(WWLD)?

She’s the bully in the line up

She’s the the bad advice queen

She’s sets you up for success

but it is not what it seems

charging full on

she had the ball in the tee

just to pull it out and now you’re set free

The thoughts in your mind as you fly through the air

I don’t deserve this… I REALLY CARE

the nonswimmers I taught

to surf from the hood

it’s their ticket out I repeat

until I believe it for good

I REALLY DON"T DESERVE that mean stink eye

as I still fly in the air I rationalize.

I don’t like this lucy, I want the red haired one

stuffing chocolates off the conveyor belt just having fun

Maybe that is the lucy who will really help me out

Desie can be my daddy, hey …sheck it out!

Now I am finally landing and pigpen just says seeeeesh.

do you think we can rig a football, maybe with a leash?

jg

Glad to help you sleep. I saved what other than most americans and farm fowl thought for you

lock it down

-insult/personal attack

-God

-lies

-evolution

-creation

-whinning

-not design related

jg

Ahhh, surf was good!

Ambrose,

You da man !!!

I feel honored for your reply. Half of the time I look up this forum just to see what you have come up with lately.

It’s why I go to borders and read in surfermag what Parmenter has been writing, both you guys have awesome wit and good humour.

It’s rare to find such quality stuff in the surf world, I know that I’m not adding anything myself.

Thank You!

p.s. Dale S. told me look you up when on Kauai, I would like to do that one day.

Aloha,

Rob

That was an education. I didn’t even pick up on that underlying ‘thread’ in the story, (and I’m not referring to surfing without a leash.)

It was a nice read and a good story, and I’m still inclined to think Shaazam is a pretty decent fellow - but self-discovery is nice too. Humbling actually. But I think I can still squeeze in a little more personal growth.

Thanks,

Kevin


(Edit 10/08/06. Corrected spelling of Shaazam and grammar. KC)