“Danger, danger Will Robinson!!”
Look in any direction, the lurking fear is near, too much cholesterol, butter pecan ice cream my most dangerous opponent. Oh, yeah, and magnets affect my tick-tock, tick-tock, so I can’t use an induction kiln woe is me.
Danger surfing? Getting back to the car carrying my surfboard is still the toughest part. Needing a caddy once, got a kid to carry my board from a river mouth back up the beach at Pine Trees by telling him he was obviously a hardy helpful youngster and he grabbed my board and ran off like a shot showing off as I strolled leisurely behind him waving my elderly persona.
I almost beaned a deaf guy, couldn’t hear me yelling, who was riding a big foam board because his instructor was a bubble head and shoved him into whitewater on the inside in front of three us on a small wave. Coulda screwed up my karma, a very dangerous thing to do. Or even dinged my board. The horror, the horror.
Oh, yeah, I bellied a nice one in one time ‘just because,’ so fast it ripped my trunks off down to my ankles and the leash kept them in the locality for a moment, and there were no females to lend me assistance only big hairy guys on longboards laughing, really scary, while I’m being bounced around on reef inside trying not to get re-circumcised, and to get my ass covered while sliding back up onto my board with my shorts down near the leash plug. Oh, the waxy terror, I laughed and whooped 'cause it was such a great ride. Bring out the nets and men in white, I’m ready.
I’m sure I’ve almost died a couple of times in the water, but I may not have realized it, such is the nature of true danger that we do not know it is near. Has my friend the tiger shark, Lloyd or Floyd, been just outside my take-off on a murky evening as I was out alone unworried and joyous, blinking the sunset out of my eyes? Perhaps. Perhaps not.
What I do remember is my last wave this past Sunday, really small, a good nose ride glide, no one else on it, I was oblivious to all else, my fondest desire fulfilled that moment.
Thanks, Robbie, for looking after me.