how do you married guys get the support of your wife to let you shape. i live with my girlfriend who also surfs but i can never get her to let me shape boards. she convenietly finds other house projects for me to do. and its always this is the last one i swear then you can make your board. i thought it was going to be nice to have my own garage where i could shape but i havent been able to use it yet. so far i have painted all the rooms in the house, ripped up most of the yard, cut down a tree, replaced a few faucets and the next thing is tiling the kitchen.
Withhold sex until she gives in. Mike
sounds more like the just moved into a house blues…it was like that for the first month each time i move some place new with the woman…but after all the nesting projects are compleated I have been able to do my projects…the thing is if you are just setting up a house and it is one you are going to be in for a while it makes sense to make sure it is a place you and her will want to live… I recomend sitting down and discussing how many other little projects she really needs to make the house comfortable…that way you have a goal to work to and then you can say listen, I live here to and for me to be comfortable i need to build a board or two…and tel her you will be avaiable for projects while the glass is kicking…
Have you shaped her a board yet? Involving her in the design and overall aesthetics of the board will get her stoked. Then, when she paddles into her first wave, you’re money.
Unless the board’s a dog, then it’s back to yard work, dude.
No pressure,
Jamie
yeah i have shaped her a board, well more or less she shaped it herself, and painted pretty blue hibiscus flowers on the thing. and the board rides really good, thing is super fast. she took an 8’3 E and just thined it out by like 3/4 of an inch on both sides.
but shes like most people it was fun to do once but doesnt want to do it again. i though having my own garage was going to be great and i was going to be able to shape boards all the time. i was wrong i always knew owning a house was work but by christmas the house is going to be brand new. i think that after the tile shaping might start commencing.
I agree with Raven. This sounds like a relationship management issue. Has nothing to do with surfboards. My wife understands that I need my time and my time is either surfing or building. My wife is VERY undestanding. She comes into the workshop to lend a hand when I need a 3rd or 4th hand for something (like rolling out the glass while I hold the spool). She is definately my life partner and best friend, and what goes with that is both our projects need to get done and they all have similar importance.
We’ve also learnt that no matter what, not everthing is going to get done in a reasonable timeframe because life happens. Accepting that somethings are not going to get done or at least not right now frees up time for fun.
Life is too short to not enjoy it. Sure be responsible but enjoy it.
Like Raven suggested, have the what I need to be happy talk with her. If it is ment to be then you’ll both come to reallize what you both need. The greatest love is leadship; the greatest leadship is to serve. A mutual understanding and a small mind shift and that endless list may become a little more enjoyable and hopefully much more manageable.
oh b.t.w. it is life that stops me from shapping, and life is just a series of choices, wether that be wife, work, children, swell… life is just a series of interuptions called life.
good luck
communicate with her; call her on it ,that she keeps saying last one. Seems like you’re willing to do projects for her so call her out and tell her to be honest about it. Plus let her know you will do her stuff, but you need some room for yourself and get to shaping.
Also she might know you pretty well and once you start shaping that’s all you do from start to finish, nothing else except surf. . . and that’s why she’s doing this. She wants to make most of your time before you are ‘taken away’ by shaping. But this is just speculation . . . cuz one of my ex’s did that.
But if you feel she is not being fair to you, you have to put your foot down and tell her that you’re going to shape a board. No if and or butts.
She could complain about the mess but that is what shop vacs, epoxy, and $5 plastic tarps are for.
Anycase set up ground rules and compromise between you and her . . . and stick to them.
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i think that after the tile shaping might start commencing.
oh yeah, if you can afford dedicated space… my projects drag on because I have deadicated workshop/shaping space I am able to start a board when I have time and return to it between lifes little interruptions. I find it much easier to find an hour than to go build a board. Skin the blank before dinner… life … template… life … put the rail bands on… life … turn the rails and rough sand… life … finish sand, glass, hot coat… you get the picture. Glassing is the one part I need to commit to so I can get lam and fill coat done. Unfortunately with epoxy this step takes a little time commitment.
I dunno…yeah, you’ve got to communicate, and you can’t let someone walk all over you…but how many first houses are you gonna buy?
I say make her happy. So you don’t shape a board for 3,4, maybe 6 months. How long do you want to be married? It seems like a drag now, but its a tiny blip on your life.
Pick your battles. Keep her happy. Don’t make everything 50/50 - it all evens out in the end.
I’ve been married 10 years, together with her for 7 before that. As long as you stay relaxed, it really does all even out.
Don’t sweat the boards, they’ll come.
thanks for all the great advice guys. everyone has had lots of great suggestions. relationships are a give and take and i know that being with her for so long. usually we are pretty good about leting each other do what we want to do. I wish that i could have a shed so that i could have my own dedicated space to shaping, instead of trying to share the garage. and set up the bay, hang the tarps and then clean up all the foam dust. in between fitiing the cars in and doing laundry and all that other stuff. we have an extra bedroom but shes defiently not going to go for that. and all though i wish i could i dont think i could even let myself do it.
benny your advice was really great, we have only been in the house since august and the house was kind of outdated, an old couple lived there till they both kicked the bucket. and they still had the original wall paper in the kitchen from 1980. it was some truly ugly yellow and green floral print. and the house was bought on the basis that we would be able to sell it for a nice profit in the next 5 years or so. i got tired of renting and watching tht money go down the crapper.
i will talk to her tonight, and tell her how i fell. i probably should have a while ago but i am slightly unconfrontational with her. and hope that the honeydew list is near its end.
once again thanks, who knew swaylocks was a relationship forumn to, it must be the new set up.
“If Momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”
I guess I have to count my blessings. My wife doesn’t surf (was born at the foot of the Alps) and she let me make a surfboard in the bedroom of our condo. I have to admit that the bedroom is already used as my studio (I’m an artist). I obviously used epoxy and did everything by hand (keeps the dust under control). No problems. But my first board had a few glitches and I’m getting ready to start my next one and she’s like, “What was wrong with the other one.” Try telling an Italian fromn the alps, “I put a little too much vee in the tail, so it goes rail to rail Ok but is kind of lacking drive.”
Anyways…always keep Momma happy. Take her out to dinner. Do all your chores. Be nice. Say please. She’ll come around. And don’t forget to say thank you.
I don’t live with my girlfriend/wife, but with my mom, which is possibly worse. We recently moved into a house with a garage and I’ve been trying to take it over ever since, but she cant stand the dust and my orderly work bench, so she bugs me most every day to “clean up”, when she has 600 boxes of papers in there. She wants me to build surfboards, but not in the garage. I’m this close l l to finishing my board on my roof or something…women
My wife was… Indifferent about me making boards. Until I used APS3000 to design an 8’6" for her.
Now she won’t get off my back about me making it for her! Talk about 180s!!
So that might be worth a try. Other than that withholding sex…
-doug
OK. I withdraw my advice to withold sex. I can’t say no to my wife, anyway. Been married to her for 21 years and shacked up another 5 before that. She pretty much gets everything she wants so I get a few very important things that I want like surfing and making surfboards. We all have long ‘honey do’ list. I had to build mine a writers studio with shelves for her 100’s of books. Total waste of time and money in my opinion. It would make a great shaping room. She still has not put one book in there. Like building the kids their tree house. I’m the only one that goes up there. So what? Keeps all the females in my house happy. They like to keep me busy. They roll their eyes while I build another board. Takes a long time to get to this happy “equalibrium.” Women are more complicated than men. We don’t need to understand them just need to figure out when to meet them head on and when to approach them tangentally. Usually, it’s tangentally. Mike
I am in a simliar situation.
Moved in last May into a house that can only be described as “having charm”
Here we go:
NO central AC
NO heat, Boiler blew up last month
Plaster is craking in EVERY ROOM
Wood floors are in horrible shape
Out dated wiring
Exterior needs panited
Severe structural issues (once fixed will hang new drywall and paint, almost every room)
Needs new windows (not jsut one or two, but Every wondow)
Yard was overgorwn by about 758 years growth
But is has a lot of charm
Timeframe on the above: 4-5 years.
So far in the new locale I’m on my 5th board.
Let me ask you this… does she help you with the house stuff? I hope she does. If not that then that’s really unfair and neesd to be dealt with.
Basically you got to do what you want to do. A relationship is a partnership. Personally I don’t buy into that Happy Wife, Happy Life crap. What’s the point of having your wife/girlfriend happy when your miserable. stand up for yourself and be heard. You say your nonconfrontational about it and that is exactly your problem. I’m not saying to be beligerent or anything, but you need to have your views expressed, and expressed in a manner that means business. If your a doormat for her now, then that will NEVER change no matter how finished the house is. It will be something else, then somehting else, then something else…If building boards is a true passion then tell her. If she really cares about you then she’ll find a way to accomodate it. If not, then she’s a miserable selfish bitch and your better off without her. life is to short to not do what you want to do man.
Drew
all I can say is good luck, maybe have her read these posts? We are into the 14th year of the worst house in the best neighborhood. Almost finished; not! There is always something more. Wifey has agreed to a shaping shed on the slope out back. Woohoo! (she get’s the garage back).
I’m going to search the archives now for that thread on shaping bays. Hey, maybe you should too and make it part of the project plans?
Heh- being single, I’m here to tell ya it isn’t any easier on this side of the fence.
Have lived here in this house for…uhmmmm… 23 years, and last winter I finally got around to building the bookshelves I had meant to build in within a year after moving in. It still needs paint, some plaster patching and new floors in both bathrooms.Have had the tile to do one of those floors for, oh, 15 years or so. But meanwhile I redid the roof, added a deck,an outside shower ( version 1) , an outside solar shower( version 2) and an outside shower with a convective-feed solar hot water panel ( version 3A - 3B will wbe when the damn thing works right) .
The ‘dream shop’ I’ve described - well, the way I can do that is by describing the shortcomings of the piecemeal-assembled disaster I have and my ‘dummy-do’ list for myself.
But things just keep coming up. It’s hard to redo the ceiling plaster when you have some time off…'cos the time off is due to a torn shoulder. Be nice to get the workshop squared away, except for that slight problem of having to use it. The old cliche of ‘can’t see the forest for the trees’ is true enough, but they forgot to add all the little brushfires ya gotta put out all the time, lest said forest be cinders.
Life is a series of these little tradeoffs. You lose some, you beak even on some and on a real good day you may even think you won one. Though that’s an illusion you’ll get over quick.
Take the break-evens and maybe enjoy them some, like
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Like building the kids their tree house. I’m the only one that goes up there. So what? Keeps all the females in my house happy.
Under the cover of darkness, sneak a small refrigerator up there. Fill it with beer. Add a reasonably comfortable deck chair, a footrest ( milk crate, which can also hold empties ) and enjoy.
doc…
WTF!?
what kind of relationship do you have with this girl?
does she own the house?
does she perform oral sex on you for hours?
is she loaded?
if not, then she somehow figured out how to wear the pants.
theres no f’n way on this earth i’ll let anyone dominate my life like that…i’d rather be poor with raging blueballs then let anyone control me
if my lady were to get fussy like that i’d boycott oral, period.
seriously now…tell her if you cant pursue your hobby/passion then she cant have her hobby/passion either (whatever that may be)
tit for tat…see how she likes it…
im feelin angry now…whats her phone number dude, i’ll straighten her out…BEEEAHCH!!
I’m going to have to agree with meecrafty.
You’ve got to get your balls back from out of your wife’s purse.
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Under the cover of darkness, sneak a small refrigerator up there. Fill it with beer. Add a reasonably comfortable deck chair, a footrest ( milk crate, which can also hold empties ) and enjoy.
doc…
Why sneak it? I even had a nice radio/CD boom box until the kids found it. Now it’s gone. I think I can retrofit a lock on the beer cooler.