This an historical account of a little known Hawaiian legend from long ago. Please accept this as absolute fact. It has in no way been exagerated or corrupted by time. History tells that the Hawaiian Islands were discovered by Captain James Cook in 1778 who named them the Sandwich Islands, mostly because they were discovered during lunch. Of course Captain Cook didn’t ask the Hawaiians if it was all right to rename their islands and since they had discovered them first (actually centuries before Cook) the name Hawaii stuck. History also tells that Captain Cook really liked Hawaii and said things about Hawaii like, “The most beautiful islands anchored in any sea” and cool stuff like that and that he died in a fight with some locals over a stolen boat. Well, that isn’t exactly how it happened. What actually happened was this: Captain Cook did indeed first visit the Hawaiian Islands in 1778 and upon his arrival at Waikiki was first introduced to surfing. The English explorers pulled their ships up outside of Queensurf and were immediately blown away by the locals surfing. The next morning Cook excitedly took the first dingy to the beach and immediately cruised up to the Royal Hawaiian Hotel surfboard rental rack and rented a board from one of the local beach boys. After a couple of weeks there he had gotten his own board from one of the surf shops over on Kapiolani Street, become a regular fixture at the Queensurf break and had wired the outside peak and the local scene. Now there is something that history doesn’t tell of and this is the stuff of legend. It is well known that the ancient Hawaiians surfed naked. This is known through the journals of numerous early explorers and artists who painted early scenes of the local people. Well, Cook happened to be a man possessing … shall we say … a “personal greatness.” In no time at all there was talk near and far throughout the islands, and especially among the ladies, about how “gifted” Captain Cook was. It seemed, partly because of the revealing attire of the island culture, that the good captain had immediately attained a popularity that he had never experienced back in England. History, in fact, does show that the Hawaiian people had a great respect and admiration for manliness and virility. In time the king, Kamehameha himself, hearing of Cook’s amazing “attributes” paddled out to Queens one day to see for himself. The King was immediately impressed with Cook and felt that a man of his “stature” should have a position of great authority and offered Cook the Governorship of the Island of Kauai. This posed a great quandary for Cook as he weighed his two options. On one hand he could live out his days as a respected sea captain for the great English Navy or on the other live in Hawaii, surf perfect waves in paradise and be treated as a bona fide legend. It was a TOUGH choice! Cook instructed his first officer to tell the authorities back in England the “killed over a stolen boat” story and then lived out the rest of his days governing Kauai and surfing the perfect waves of Hanalei Bay.
AKA-AKA!..You one funny guy, eh, G. ! Only ting, you wrong, but! Wen Cook go Queenside (which really “Kings” back den), Rabbit (fifteen at da time) no like rent heem one board. Cook get all huhu, an reep off one olo. Da bruddahs go fine out an, bumbye, dey wen chop off heeze hans, li’dat! (HAAD 'fo touch da ule wit no moah hans, Bu!). Pau!
Alrighty then…
you forgot the part about the choice “weed”