so you woke up one day

the salt encrusted flowing locks were pretty thin on the ground

the sexy tan and laugh lines had become melanoma and crevaces

the athletic surfers build had changed

the ass dropped

you had grown tits

you could rest a beer on your gut

you could no longer trust a fart

omg your local ripper, alpha male days were over

you need a longboard

that gut is to much

your girlfriend turned lesbian

even your dog is having trouble standing up

do you remember that day

the day you woke up to find that

today is the



but my dick got bigger too!


although denial is a well worn tool,

adaptation can be the emperors

entire new wardrobe

rab an alternative craft

and toddle of to junk surf lands

to practice crafting rides to satisfy

the aging body.You Dont have to whine and cry

about your L-5 or L-7

all this fakery has been done before

You wanna not die?

accept yo physical self and

take it fo a ride.

A man of substance and girth is also a real good floater


body surf and watch that wetsuit get loose and floppy

or just change the dvd

andd eat some more.


5 boards on the racks aint a bad pastime.

this morning I scrubbed a burnt pot with 220 wet or dry

sealercoated a t-band

and drank some lemon aloe vera mango constitutional

morning of the full moon

its io:oo do you know where your head is?

you need a longboard

Well, paul, im not exactly huge and old yet ( im 28 ), but the amount of times lately i’ve thought i could use a longboard has increased greatly. I just like easy paddling fun. And they can be surfed pretty comfortably in my wave range ( knee to 1-2’OH ). Where i surf mostly doesnt get super steep very often. My fave hollow beachy on the other hand would be a nightmare on a mal, but i only go there now and then. THe only problem is i have toyota corolla, so it would have to be no longer than 8’, which is cool with me as im not really a noserider.

Dunno about morning of the girth, but you know time’s marching on when you come up from a duckdive,

and have to brush your eyebrows out of yer eyes instead of your hair !

Ambrose, I always love your posts but that one above is tops. True wisdom for sure. Ahmen!


Wait till you can braid your nose hair…and people mistake your ear hair for sideburns.

I’m not old…just well aged…

58 next week…Yowza!

I believe the title should be ‘‘MOURNING OF THE GIRTH.’’ Much more in touch with sad reality.

lol good one Bill

i like that

fo me , its the joints that are packing it in

alot of kiwis have surfers ear

the other day i woke up to find my wetsuit had change colour on the line

it was white

and frozen stiff

and the rash shirt and kidney belt

the snow melt was runing through the bank

that was the hardest carpark change ive ever done in my life

engine running with the heater blowin

couldnt even feel my hands

yea, getting older does take it’s toll. If I go several days without anti-inflammatorys, I’m convinced what’s left of my joints is trying to stage a jail break…

But then that first wave slides over our head on the paddle out, the strokes get deeper, and for a while we’re that young lad again, albeit a hell of a lot slower and less limber, with a huge grin on our face as we stand on the water…

Go longer, wider, thicker, whatever it takes to keep ya paddling out for the next session, and the one after that, and …if we’re lucky enough, we’ll get to be like Woody Brown in his last surfing days, leash tied around our waist, board pointed straight towards the beach, huge smile intact as we cruise along enjoying the ride all the way to that last Big Drop…

yeah mate ive been taking magnesium suplements

seem to help

It’s a battle for sure. I’ve probably lost the same five pounds a thousand times. I want to surf a longboard because I want to,not because I have to. Staying on the short board as I age keeps me from drinking too much beer and eating too much Mexican food. Of course, my boards have gotten wider and thicker. I suppose I"ll have to give it all up sooner than later and go for the nine-0. Mike


not the gasp

9 O

as long as it’s a real 9’0…you know, not one of those (horrific gasp) plastic pop-outs that are really a secret weapon introduced by a certain agent of Them in an effort to morph righteous, fully erect surfers into cud-chewing bent over grazers who will move peacefully and without protest along with the rest of main herd…