My girlfriend sucks at and hates surfing

General Discussion
41

You know I think this entire thread explains why I haven’t been able to find a guy who surfs. You guys don’t want a girl who surfs! Maybe I’ll find myself a nice guy who enjoys running (gag). I think the advice you guys have been giving definitely works both ways. I don’t wait for the guys in my crew to get to the beach. I call them, make them get their asses out of bed, leave their girlfriends behind, and get to the beach. One of my favorite surf buds has been dating my roommate for over a year. They’re inseparable, and it’s disgusting. I love them both, but I barely see either of them these days because they spend time only with each other. Last weekend I woke up early and checked the local point break. Chest to head, perfect peeling waves with offshores that were only getting stronger. Gotta get out before the winds screw everything up. I call him on my way home, tell him to get ready. By the time I get home and am struggling into my wetsuit, he says he’ll be there in a bit. “Like in an hour.” I struggle into my new suit (damn chest zips), get down to the beach, meet the other guys I dragged out of bed, and surf for 2 hours before I go numb. My friend is paddling out as I’m paddling in. I get home, jump in a nice hot shower, get stuck in my wetsuit and take a 45 minutes to wriggle my way out. He gets home as I’m getting dressed. The winds and low tide had screwed everything up. I feel absolutely no compassion for him. If he doesn’t get to surf it’s not because there aren’t waves, it’s because he’s whipped.

Guys, I don’t care if you get a girl who surfs or doesn’t, just don’t ever get whipped to the point where you miss 2 hours of good waves because you were having breakfast with her. Although I must say I don’t mind having less people in the water, but I miss my friend. He even had me help him pick out a wetsuit for her (3/2) so she could try getting back into surfing after having tried it once in Florida. She didn’t go enough to get hooked before it got too cold for her in the Fall.

42

I might add that my wife likes to 'sleep in.'   This might be why we have been on the same page in terms of me surfing.  I don't like to 'sleep in.'  In fact, I CAN'T 'sleep in' and think it's a waist of time.  I get up, go surf, and by the time I'm back she's starting to stir and get going.  Worked out pretty good for us.

In 37 years of surfing I have had about 3-4 'surfing buddies.'  Guys that are on the same page as me in terms of surfing.  Like the same type of waves, early risers, same ability, etc.  I don't think it's is realistic to find a mate that meets your 'surfing buddy criteria' and suggest to anyone they scratch that off your list.  Otherwise, you are going to have a damn small list of applicants.

Rachel,

Your right. It does work both ways.  You probably have already run into the 'fragile male ego' thing.  It's part of our disease.  My advice, for what its worth, is to do what you probably already are doing. Ignore the buddy that wants to sleep in (gag again) and surf your ass off.  Find a guy that is secure with letting you do your thing while he's doing his thing.  Even jogging.  Mike

43

 

44

(i type up a lengthy post only to have my machine automatically shut down into update mode)

ethan, u are way better off without her involvement in surfing.

Rachel's sage advice can be shortened to this: Guys, dont ever get whipped. thats it.

my good surfing bud had an ideal marriage with a very nice lady. he was the all american hero, captain america type, very career succesfull (firefighter), beautiful house, tall, handsome, women trip over themselves to get to him, literally. his life revolved around hers (whipped). at of nowhere, his former wife of 14 years left him, just moved out. soon later he found out she left him for another man with more money. there is no loyalty in marriage anymore, at least not around here in fl. a good warning sign is if she buys and reads cosmo magazine every month - that magazine should be renamed "modern selfish woman". 

a few years ago there was this thread:

http://www2.swaylocks.com/node/1017743

My Bottom Line (generally speaking):

surfers dont make good husbands, and women dont make good wives.

45

Well said rachel. i had a friend do exactly that.

One day all his surfboards went up on craigslist/ebay, now hes a sponger.

The last time i was in the water with him he was paddling out on his bodyboard only using one hand... his other hand was holding hers. It was kind of like a pathetic three legged race. When a set came in they didnt let go of eachother and got worked all the way back inside and the rest of us just sat out there and laughed. i think we might have given him too much crap because we havent seen him in the water for 6 months now. i feel bad, but when they break up he will come back around.

and you are right about chest zips too... biggest pain in the ass ever.

46

[quote="$1"]

 

[/quote]

 

Love it. That's a great pic.

47

Here’s two cents on the subject from a dedicated FEMALE surfer:

Chrispy, Rooster and Taylor O. are on the right track! I’m guessing you and your girlfriend (like scboy’s friend and his gf) have only been together six months or less … that’s the stage where you want the togetherness 24-7. If you actually make it to a long-term relationship though, that will change, and guess what? It’s HEALTHY for the two people in a relationship to have SEPARATE things they enjoy doing, instead of being joined at the hip. Plus, it’s true that most breaks are too crowded already without adding a RELUCTANT participant to the mix!

It would be one thing if you’d met HER out surfing and discovered she was as hardcore as you … but for both your sakes, don’t try to change her into something she’s not. For her to be out doing whatever she enjoys, and you to be out surfing, and then you meet up and enjoy each other’s company, that’s the best! It keeps your relationship fresh, too.

Just gotta add that a few comments on here were pretty lame - the guys that said things like “your girlfriend should just sit on the beach where she belongs” or “you’ll need her to watch the kids later on”. C’mon guys, ditch that 1950’s B.S. please! Nowadays plenty of women, myself included, are every bit as dedicated to surfing as any guys - even if we don’t rip in big waves. One time a friend asked me, would I move to Iowa or someplace if I fell in love with someone who lived there? My answer was an emphatic NO - my primary relationship for over 30 years has been with the ocean, so why would I give that up for a romance that might or might not work out? Relationships come and go, but my love of riding waves is at my core, like it is for everyone on this forum.

 

 

 

 

48

Thanks again for all the input.  Just to be clear, my intent isn’t to bully her into being a surf mate, we’ve been together for six years and have plenty well established our boundaries.  My take on it is like this: she has her things she likes to do, and I have my things I like to do, one of which is surfing.  On occasion, I’ll try the things she likes to do, like going to random concerts in our town, such as the Dave Rawlings Machine which we went to see yesterday.  Like many times before, I sucked it up and enjoyed it despite the fact that I’m not in to that type of “low energy” show, where we’re sitting and not fighting to get next to the stage.  Not to say that the show wasn’t good, as in this time, the music was really good, but I’m still fighting to stay awake after a long day.  She’s the same, in that when the surf conditions are right for her, such as warm weather and small surf, she’ll take another shot at it, without any pushing from me, just because she knows I like it and she wants to occasionally (rarely) participate in something I do, and that’s fine with the both of us.  

I think she shares a similar philosophical view of life as I do, that every once and awhile we should try things that we didn’t like the past times we tried them, such as sushi.  Would have never known I like eating random raw fish and wasabi had I not given it a second chance.  I’m planning on trying boogie boarding for the tenth time in the near future just to reaffirm that I like surfing better.

The problem I’m facing is that when she does try surfing, she’s getting really frustrated, and that sucks for her.  I’m thinking it might be an equipment issue, and I’d like to design a piece of equipment the counters her bad tendencies.  Her knack of pearling is especially concerning, the longboard she’s used in the past would pearl, she would fall over the front of it, it would pop back up vertical in the air and come at the back of her head like a guillotine.  She somehow managed to miss being knocked out to this day, and I’d like to make sure that it never happens.

To answer scboy4382, the wave she’ll be surfing is a long and crumbly beach break, hopefully long period and knee high.  Thanks for the direction regarding noserider research and tail rocker, I’ll be looking there for sure.  Ken, I’m curious why a narrower tail would help, my intuition says that a wider tail will help with stability, I’d like and expert’s breakdown of this issue.

Once again, just to be clear, if she’s surfing, she wants to be, I’ve learned a long time ago that she wont do anything she doesn’t want to do, but please continue with the girlfriend/wife surf issue, I like what this thread is turning into :slight_smile:

49

Respectable post A4P. I will add from experience, independence is a double edged sword.

Ethan, your situation sounds a lot like mine was. We were both independent spirits but were close too. But things changed dramatically when kids came. Kids are a game changer for sure. Life is easier without them, and when they come there are compromises to be made. But I wouldnt trade mine for anything.  

btw, if your worst problem is having to deal with a low energy concert, then there's no worries.

50

OK, glad to know all the rest of the story. One question that might sound wierd, but it certainly applies: Is she, um, large-busted? I am, and I used to pearl a lot too! She may need to have her weight farther back on the board for takeoff than the “usual” placement. Also, have you considered a REALLY thick and wide fish about 8’ long INSTEAD of a longboard? It would be a lot less likely to pearl. Myself I much prefer a beefy funshape or fish to a full longboard!

51

Hi Art4Peace - Thanks for sharing, and Rachel too.  Great to perspective from “the other side,” especially from one who’s been in it for the long hull.  

I met a young couple on Kauai, who had a little baby and were going to get married.  He had stopped surfing because he was “over it.”  When I told the story to a group of middle aged buddies, like myself, we all had a good laugh… “Over it.”  More like never into it… Ha!

52

Hey Art4Peace, realize most guys are dealing with the mode, I know very few girls who enjoy getting in cold water but I know plenty who like to lay out and get a tan. While there are some very hardcore surf girls, they are hard to come by.

53

be careful for what you wish for. chris gave some great advice.my gal and i not only share the same bed, but many activities as well-mostly surfing and riding our horses. i gotta tell ay it can be fun, but at times a pain in the ass. why? on occassion-usually when the surf is good-you might find yourself waiting around an extra 15 minutes or so until they get home before you can go surf('cause they want to go with ya)or, you go out to the garage to grab a board(or saddle) and it's gone.so is she. she returns later caliming she didn't think you wanted to use that board or that saddle that particular day.naw, best to have her find another "IT" and support that.....