…and don’t look back …you may turn to a pillar of salt !
hey guys this my first post and something that i can closely relate to.being married to such a person for the past 13 years i have learned many things on this subject. and so i will weigh in and give you this little bit of advice …RUN DONT LOOK BACK IF YOU DO THE SOUL SUCKING GREAT WHITE WILL SUCK THE LIFE FROM YOUR LIVING SOUL…FIRST ITS THE BEACH THEN IT WILL BE WHY DONT YOU SELL YOUR BOARDS YOU NEVER USE THEM ECT… and youll end up like the rest of us happily married folk staring at your boards hanging from the ceiling of your garage,remembering when you used to be able to plant that hard bottom turn then slice the top3 feet off the top of the wave.and when you do finally get to go out and all once or twice a year the gromms are snaking your waves cuase you cant paddle anymore. yes my friend its a great thing you got there im sure after reading all the great advice left for you on this thread you will be able to make an informed decision.and remember your board may wack you on the back of the head ,but its not going to get a lawyer and take half of everything you got. excuse me i think i need a drink now.
She should know that the beach is more important than her. I make that clear from the outset…hehe. But seriously, the beach probably is more important in the long run.
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She should know that the beach is more important than her. I make that clear from the outset…
kelly slater said much the same thing in “surfers the movie” .
I think he was around 18 then , maybe ?
I don’t think he would have won 7 world titles and bucket loads of money if he’d hooked up with someone like "jbones " described [good first post , by the way …welcome !!]
ben
“but , is he happy ??” you married ones will ask ?
…well , I guess only HE really knows the answer to that eh ? He sure has surfed some GOOD waves in his life , and had some good footage taken .
I got lucky enough to find a long-distance runner. 15 years later, she’s still in great shape and the beach is just fine. Someone with tastes as simple as running - just some shoes, really - can do it anywhere. Plus, she definitely needs her hours, so she doesn’t resent mine spent in the water.
Most of the time, I’m kind of glad she doesn’t surf. You’ve gotta have your own thing, you know? And then, when we’re at the beach with the kids all day, I surf when the tide/wind is best, she runs some other time, and we take turns playing with the kids. If she surfed, one of us would always be getting second choice on when to go out…
Wow, thanks for all the advice. I think I like the “find a job that pays more” advice the best. I’ll keep you all posted.
From my exp…stay at the beach,if she’s a keeper …she’ll follow…if not,you’ve just got rid of a bunch of future headaches…TRUST ME!
smart girl. i live by this statement, waves over babes. just keep in mind my parents my dad surfs and i do to my sister and moma re land lovers we live 3 hours from the beach. we hate it and when we do make a break for the ocean when there is a swell in the fall they get all bitchy and pissy wether it’s homecoming or my mom has to work and leave my sister home(luckily my sister is in college so that problem is gone). the beach should be more important get a dog and surfboards, and while your at it a tub of vaseline 
I remeber when I first met my wife. She was real cool, actually dated a guy for a while that was an NSSA seniors champ and was super cool with the whole life style. You become stupid and get married have a couple of kids and your personal needs go out proverbial window. YOu get to surf a 1/3 or a quarter as much as you used to. No more hitting the beach everyday and grovelling or paddling just for shits an giggles. You sneak away when its firing at the expense of pissing off pepople including your wife your conditioning becomes lackluster and things just aren’t the same as they used to be. I’m 31, love to surf,love to shape and would have stayed single if I would have known what the whole family thing entails. Bust my ass in the summer fighting forest fires out west for a few extra bucks hoping that one day my wife will say how about you take some of that money and go on a trip. Granted I love it but it also is a paycheck. It then becomes alright with the wife, even if I run the risk of death…F…it. Love my kids, but my only hope is that I get super lucky and my daughters start poking around in dads quiver and start asking questions. Then maybe it will be guilt free and fun again. Haven’t been on a surf trip in 3 years and would give my left one for a week of right hand point waves. Just my experience. You can get over a women but missing a good swell is flat out mental torture. Especially when your friends give you ring after they just got done engorging themselves on hollow beach breach barrels. The salt in the wounds feels so good.
This seems like a no brainer. I mean think about it.
The ocean has been around far longer for most of us than any woman (save mothers). Chances are you were surfing long before this girl came around, and hopefully long after her too. The ocean never talks back. Although, she will woop your a$$ once in a while, or very often, whichever the case may be. And what about time in vs return. With the woman, it’s often only 20 minutes of pleasure every so often for an enormous amount of effort (money, time, etc) put in. But with the ocean, its hours and hours and hours. all the evidence is there as to who should come first. Don’t get trappppppeed.
Oh, a good radio show host, who talks from a man’s perspective (i.e. the COMPLETE opposite of Dr. Phil), Tom Leykas. www.971freefm.com has his show streaming from their website. I don’t always agree with him, but he makes some very valid points on where your priorities should lie (hint: don’t let go of your passions and pasttimes and job and lifestyle for a woman).
Just my 2 cents.
Leave it up to chance, flip a coin.
Re-read what Laconic1 wrote…(this is the ending.)
" …I suggest this as an alternative to the usual foundational basis for relationship dissolution, lack of COMMUNICATION OF INTENT AND PRIORITY! Note that your frankness should precipitate her own, which YOU will have to consider. Choose as you will, with the understanding that ANYTHING less than full disclosure is dishonest, and prelude to problems! "
This guy is on to truths very deep. As one who went through this type of deal, I’d say you better head the voice of the jesters… Later you may live to regrete leaving part of your love for live, which is between you and nature, for the sake of another person who may change away from what you originally had in mind. And as many of us “graying” folk can tell you, some things don’t get any easier… Stay on it, if you wanna be on it. If you can only make you happy, and surfing is a way you make you happy, then… True thoughts with you man, Taylor.
Girlfriend: The beach is more important to you than I am!
Monkstar1: And your point is…?
OK, I’ll be serious now. If she really loves you and you really love her you will be able to find a middle-ground where you can both be happy. She’ll understand your need for the ocean and you’ll understand her need for your attention. You might be able to help that a bit by making sure the time you spend togethor is active and of high quality. rather than just watching TV or whatever.
Also, have you tried taking her to the beach? Surfing well inside (make sure it’s a good board for her to learn on, too)? You gotta hold yourself back and do everything you can to make it fun for her, if you go this way. It’ll slow down a good portion of your surfing for a while, but if she gets hooked it’ll be well worth it.
If she doesn’t care enough for you to try to find this middle-ground you have a tough choice to make. In that case I’d say it’s best to let her make the choice, but not give up what you love doing. I’m not trying to be coarse. but let’s face it, girls like guys who surf, so…
Good luck.
-doug
Surfing is more important than a girlfriend. Girlfriends are a dime a dozen. When you get married, marry a woman that knows the importance of your surfing in your life. If you don’t you will be miserable until you get rid of her.
-Jay Dr Phil Resinhead
My friends and I used to play this game called ‘sweetbread.’ If you hang ten in front of your friend while they’re watching on the shoulder or paddling out, then you “sweetbread” them, and they owe you a beer. My girlfriend caught on to this, and her surfing started getting insane after she played this stupid game. I get sweetbreaded all the time, and owe her beers every session. It takes her 2 to get drunk. Chicks and surfing is where it’s at. Sweetbread.
Both of us lived at the beach and she actually loves the beach (and when she tried surfing, she liked that) but when we lived there she missed her family. Now we both have better jobs (away from the beach). She lives with her family and I live hour and half away from her. For her, family is more important than the beach. For me, it might sound sad to say, the beach is more important than her family. Doesn’t that sound kind of selfish? That the beach is more important?
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For her, family is more important than the beach. For me, it might sound sad to say, the beach is more important than her family. Doesn’t that sound kind of selfish? That the beach is more important?
No. Not selfish at all. Look at what you just wrote, though I added a little for emphasis.
Her family, remember? Not your family. Leastwise, not yet. You’d have to be nuts to think otherwise.
Look, it’s nice that she’s close to 'em and all, but think it through. They are hers, not yours. Neither your responsibility or where your primary loyalty oughtta be. And even thinking otherwise is …well, a little weird, man.
In any situation with her where it’s them or you, you’re obviously gonna be toasted, roasted and gone. Her primary loyalty apparently lies with them, not you. And she apparently can’t see your needs at all, compared to her own.
If she is pushing the idea that you should put her family ahead of your needs, either you individually or the two of you together, then you really, really want to think about where this is gonna go in the long run, right? 'Cos I don’t see this as a good situation for you.
Think about that a bit. Good luck.
doc…
No, I think she’s not going to put her family before my needs which is understandable. She doesn’t want me to put HER family before my needs but she keeps asking how I could just up and leave after all the time and effort put into this relationship and for that I have no answer.
No easy answers to that one, man.
The thing is, all the time and effort you guys have put in, well, you gotta ask yourself where it’s going and if it’s going to wind up working or not. Sometimes you gotta work harder, sometimes you gotta cut your losses.
The thing is, she is asking you to put them first, just not in so many words. Where you live, what you do, it seems to be based on them. If, lets say, you both got your dream jobs, together but on the other side of the country from her family, what would her call be? What about yours?
You can lose yourself in a relationship, man. Sometimes that’s a good thing, sometimes it’s bad. But the world is full of people who guessed wrong on that.
So, again, you want to think about it, and again, good luck3
doc…
And in the meantime, go surfing. Clear your mind for a couple hours in some freezing, icy cold barrels. That ought to put your head in the right place.