Im going through the same dilema… shes constantly bitching about me going surfing and she can shove it up her ass… after 10 months, I still pick the surf before her, bout to kick her to the street
I’ve spent some time “on the couch,” and even some of the professionals would suggest, “with compramise, no one “wins,” no one is happy.” Here’s a thought; even in the best of relationships, “love” has its ebbs and flows. Adding this stress seems like a invitattion to more negativity. If surfing has “gotten into your “soul”” to the point that you don’t want to picture a life without it… “cutting your loses (sorry for spelling disability)” starts to look better, 'cuz as it was pointed out, even with a great wife close to the beach etc. unless you are commited to not having children, increasing “life style” expensess etc., “resposibility” creeps up on you, and time keeps flying no matter what your doing… From my agragation of what folks here are saying, you will live to regrete a “compramise” (even if I don’t remember anyone useing that word…) Good luck man… Does it get easier??? Taylor
and don’t forget that women (not all) want to change you. They find you, imperfect, and then try to mold you into their image of what a man, boyfriend, husband should be. What changes have already taken place? Or are being pushed? Some are good; I use utensils now. I still fart under the covers though.
The changes have started…do you want to give up surfing? What changes is she willing make to for you? What changes has she made for you so far?
The advice to get trained to make more $ to live by the beach is a good one. Get back to the beach. If she wants you she will follow. But do you want someone that does not want you to be you???
Monkstar1 - so many responses because (imo) we’re all experiencing, at one time or another, the same thing or something VERY similiar. A relationship will move from one difficulty to another - that’s life and it’s not a problem unless the situations don’t get resolved to mutual satisfaction. You know you’re with the right partner when the two of you can work these things out so both are able to comfortably handle the compromise. If this is your first big problem with her and you cannot work it out I’m afraid that’s a signal that it ain’t happening. View it as a test of your (plural) problem solving abilities together. In a relationship there’s nothing more important. -good luck
Would you be happy to drive 45 minutes to the beach? Would she be happy to drive 45 minutes to her family?
IMHO you will both need to compromise if you really care for and respect each other. Without that care and respect, I hate to say this, I really don’t think the two of you will make it. So I think it’s something that needs to be there (or grow over time).
I see some other people on here giving compromise a bum rap. Think about it - compromise means finding a way where you can both be happy. It doesn’t mean caving in and supressing your own needs. Compromise is not always possible, which can be pretty painful in the short term.
Most importantly - remember that noone else can make this decision for you. Sure, listen to advice. But then evaluate that advice rationally and make up your own mind.
-doug
dump her. um i say 15 minutes from beach 30 from family should be the ratio. cuz yea thats the right ratio allows you to ditch check the surf and be back home in time to say honey i can’t make it the car won’t start if there are waves
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Im going through the same dilema… shes constantly bitching about me going surfing and she can shove it up her ass… after 10 months, I still pick the surf before her, bout to kick her to the street
Hey bmarley - chicks are bitchin’ . get your head out of your ass and get your shit together.
http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/2006/01/images/a/formats/hires_jpg.jpg
well i`ll give this another shot. the problem honestly is not you or the beach its about control. changing what is not agreeable to someone else. to change you to fit her ken doll dreams of the perfect man. and to be blunt ultimatems are just flat out wrong unfair with very few exceptions and have no place in a premarital relationship.if you were doing before you met and you were up front about your hobbies and passions what right does anyone have to change them or for that matter change who you are. better to be fully up front and honest now or suffer fromit ten fold later .and give lykess alisten you may not like what you hear but a lot of it rings true and its entertaining to boot. good luck and dont give up your boards
surf4, I agree about the change. I remember hearing a very clean way to put it:
Wives think their husbands will change. Husbands think their wives won’t. Both are invariably disappointed.
What’s with the pic eastern? You all make some valid points. How many of you are married and how many of you aren’t?
The pic from epac is so epic… Now there is something to meditate on.
I was married for along time; classic - we’re young, she thought I’d give up surf, etc. hated to be away from her family when we moved to go to school, etc. Had a couple of serious girlfriends since who were jelouse of the surf thing, and then… living inland working, met a woman who was so supportive of my “surfing” that she moved with me to the coast. And that was after taking me to meet ambrose C.III, Ha! Seriously!!!
“That’s what I’m talkin’ about.” I think that’s what alot of us are talking about.
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What’s with the pic eastern? You all make some valid points.
Ah, the age old question…should I kick her out on the street? Nice one!
Orion is a fine example to help us realize that the stars we see in our sky have been given many names, by different groups of people. The names most have learned to use are those that have trickled down through the treasures kept in books over the ages, but most of the star names and ideas associated with them have never been recorded. They have disappeared with the people who kept them. Those we do have exist because they were treasured enough that they were written about in books.
The classical constellations recall stories from the Greeks, but even these would have been lost were it not for the Arabians who preserved Greek writings. In the process, the names of many of the stars that landed on charts of the sky to become commonly accepted are Arabic names. The old Greeks talked about a great hunter who, upon death, was placed in the sky for all to admire and recall the heroic things Orion had done on earth, but the common names for Orion’s stars are all Arabic: Betelgeuse, meaning “Armpit of the Central One,” the red star at the shoulder; Bellatrix, meaning “Female Warrior,” the other shoulder; Rigel, referring to the leg or foot; and Saiph, meaning “Sword of the Giant,” even though it marks the other foot of Orion. The three belt stars also bear Arabic names.
There are many different ways to look at these same stars. Navajo people see them as “First Slim One,” keeper of the months. This gleaming figure in the sky is symbolic of agriculture, and until recently, there were no pictures made of what it should look like. Only now are the Navajo concepts relating to such things being written about, and a few Navajo artists are producing pictures of what is described to them by their Elders who know the stars. I am pretty sure that different artists, talking to different Elders, would come up with quite different pictures. All of them would be of a human, an Indian to be sure, probably having a feather on the head.
To the Egyptians, Orion was symbolic of Osiris, and the bright star Sirius, in the constellation Canis Major, that follows Orion up in the sky represented Isis. One can easily be reminded of the legend of this Egyptian couple by watching these sparkling stars march across our sky. If only we could know the many accounts that were once prompted by the parade of these stars in our winter sky!
The poet Robert Frost wrote about Orion in his astronomical poem, The Star-Splitter:
You know Orion always comes up sideways.
Throwing a leg up over our fence of mountains,
And rising on his hands, he looks in on me
Busy outdoors by lantern-light with something
I should have done by daylight.
This hubble image might be the best one yet.
http://imgsrc.hubblesite.org/hu/db/2006/01/images/a/formats/hires_jpg.jpg
16 years and going. I still surf as often as I can. And that is 2 to 3 times a week if there are waves. Two teenage boys, a house, 2 cats, etc. Work. Live four miles from Salt Creek. 20 minutes to Trestles. She still plays soccer and has time with her friends. I don’t spend all day at the beach anymore but if it’s a NW and OC is not breaking I go south. I just get home to do what needs to be done. Which, by the way is honey do’s, not sex. Forget that shit. Oh, maybe I should stop farting under the covers?