Quote:
Thanks, mate. I'll check out that site.
Ruggerjay,
Ok dude looks like you still wanna go. Well you may pick up a few tips from that web site etc, but from first hand experience you need to go into serious training to fit in and not stand out as a Yankee Wanker…you listenin to me boy??
Aussie Survival Training - follow the steps below
- Put on heaps of weight around ya belly and go get a rental car, burn some serious rubber in the local parking lot whilst drinkin cans of beer, one arm out the window and screamin ya head off. Get out and drop ya pants and moon all the onlookers, throw up over the trunk and take a piss on any garden bed in sight. Oh nearly forgot…scrape up the burnt rubber into a small jar.
2.Down to Costco…half doz cheap boards, Billabong slaps, t=shirt, shorts, towel hat. A big cooler (hold 300 cans of beer and NO food) for a day out…just you and Mrs Rug-j… little tip on Aussie romance, boy! Stock up on insect spray, shark repellant and sunscreen (as long as you only stay in the sun for 10 minutes at a time. Factor 200plus will do). Don’t buy any guns…yep I know you get a free one with every cooler…give it to the kids next door …they can take it to school…after you leave of course. WHY??? Crazy Aussies don’t have Guns!.Yep I know,…don’t start me.
- Now you are getting the attitude and equipment and some rules. Now a quick guide to social manners!
Next weekend, tell Mrs RJ you have a Aussie surprise.
Make her stay in bed for a little…well you know…and it won’t take long, rollover and snore ya head off until…11.30 am. Tell her to stay in bed, get all ya new BBong gear on and get her some breakfast. Now here comes Aussie surprise no.1 Get the jar of burnt rubber, spread it thick on some buttered toast, srve with a very milky cup of tea…whamo Vegimite toast in bed…NOTHING more Aussie mate! She will love you.
- Now while she is enjoying that tasty breakfast, get the lawn mower out, BBQ burner, cooler loaded up and a nice recline chair. Ater you have put a few shrimps on the BBQ, drank 30 beers and demolished the shrimp, tell Mrs RJ to get into her bikini (national dress) and get in the yard to get her involved in an Ausfest.
Give her 5 or 6 beers (don’t waste too many) while she is standing around (remember you have the one and only chair), don’t let her eat cause she might get fat. Tell a few bad jokes, blast some insect spray around and comment on how the yard needs mowing.
Now it’s time to show some real Aussie mates style…lift your fat butt a little and let out a ripper fart, quickly followed by a huge belch and a roar of laughter. She will just love it! Now tell her to start the mower, get her top off (topless bathing is mandatory on most Aussie beaches), get you a fresh cold beer and get her butt into the yard and get some tan on those tits!
I hope you have been following me boy…this is valuable advice…here endeth the first lesson! Get training!!
Rocky