the governing body of the
Association of mentally Arthrytic Retired Persons
Has determined standard dimensions
for the contest ready surfboard.
As we all know anything over 9’ is a long board,
as established by whoever those guys were that watched Dale 'skid row’dobson ryp it up and give him trophies and endorsements.
now back to the Regs
tails will not exceed 12’’
anything more will be called ‘wide’
narrower they will be called guns
and restricted to Racing war spots
noses will not exceed 16 ‘’
greater than that they will be called noseriders and restricted to
noseriding events and noseriding spots
narrower they will be called no nose
and outlawed in polite company
as dangerious to health and well being they
will be restricted to use in areas where helmeted congregate.
these guidelines will be enforced by red trunked
regulators at all beaches called ‘events’
zones for unregulated surfboard use will be
outside the areas not served by regulated
surfing board, body, and swimming times.
all violaters within regulated areas
will be outlaws and sumerily hunted to indistinction.
Permits to own exotic surfing apparatus
must be approved by the ruling surfing council.
the council for the betterment of surfing
will meet in the caucus ante rooms
where cash wil change hands
surepticiously
park between the lines
adhere to paddle out reservation times
check in at take off spots every paddle out
leave water to urinate,and tithe for every set wave you take
to the wave tax machine on leaving the strand to return to parking lot.
Th association of mentally arthrytic retired persons
has your best interests at heart
and remember it hurts them more than it hurts you ,
you know to catch all the set waves with out paying.
any questions please phone for recording
at 808 245 6001
leave message that will never be returned
…ambrose…
—not—