Walkin' & Chewin'

General Discussion
21
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nothing like having to go in your shorts with no feeling of guilt associated with it, imagine if you could just do it in real life, like in the middle of a big presentation or board meeting. I’ve actually been in some business meetings just with the boys with some 100 year big bear old geazer CEOs just farting away after our martini lunches. Seen some do it in front of women as well just to make’em blush. Pretty hilarious if it wasn’t true…

I guess it’s a sign of age when you can’t laugh too hard without peeing or pooping in your pants… Been there seen that… You know hahaha oops…

I guess we all should be feeling guilt for peeing and polluting the ocean but when you’re surfing for 3-6 hours at a pop you gotta pee sooner or later. Just glad I never got the poop problem some folks get in the ocean. Seeing a blind mullet flaot by is the worse experience anyone could have…

THIS is the exact reason why I close my eyes and mouth when I duckdive … blind mullets

ben

…this thread has SOOO much potential for jokes about [fish] butt cracks , plugs , [gl]ass ons …ANYONE ?? anyone ?

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  • what works for me , rather than having a "slow stately dance or music for it " as I let go , is singing in a falsetto voice at the top of my lungs [Tiny Tim style] whilst simultaneously letting out loud sighs of delight .

Seems the crowds move away , for some unknown reason . [Maybe it’s the yellow dye I spread into the water , while I’m doing it , you think ?]

ben t

That could be it.

Dose anyone else have an effective method of dispersing the thick crowds on a crowded break? - A Homer-Shark maby?..Has any one tried this…I tink I am going to do this next time there are too many surfers from Poway in the water.

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well , you could try wearing a head that looks like my avatar photo…

[this one …

…recorded for poster[ior]ity… ]

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Interestin thread :slight_smile: Was watchin a documentary the other week on sharks. Apparently the species that hunt seals can detect urnine in the water almost as well as blood. Reason being that seals piss in the water as the swim and that leaves a “trail” that the predators can follow.

shrug At least, thats what the marine biologists said.

-doug

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Quote:

Dose anyone else have an effective method of dispersing the thick crowds on a crowded break?

It is a clinically proven fact that urination and defecation do not work to clear extremely crowded lineups. Following the proven scientific theory that 10,000 flies can’t be wrong, the odors of poop and pee (poopee? Oh no…) only serve as crowd attractors. The worse the water conditions, the more “hardcore” the crowds think they are.

On a brighter note, sometimes expressing extreme smelly flatulence in a tightly sealed automobile just prior to rolling down the window when pulled over by a traffic cop can work wonders, but only if you can keep a straight face. If you are faced with a more serious violation you might try soiling yourself; many cops won’t want to deal with transporting a befouled body. This is unproven and risky, however. They might just beat you with sticks.

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If you are faced with a more serious violation you might try soiling yourself; many cops won’t want to deal with transporting a befouled body. This is unproven and risky, however. They might just beat you with sticks.

Classic! Hope youre not speaking from experience!

…well well this thread was just a cheap sleazy attempt to loosen things up a bit round here…BUT hasnt this also been educational…

  • blind mullet = cool slang for a brown floaty

  • human urin has the potential to be the equivalent of shark chum (yikes! i often surf in some sharky waters round here…no seals but lots of turtles…do turtles pee?)

  • some choice social advice for the untimely commuter/traffic cop interaction…so what’s a more effective cop repellant technique…cracking the window or full opening? hmm, might be wise to carry a shield to defend against those sticks…

some real world no’s no’s in closed door business meetings…DUDE! my wife once worked for some 60 yo guy/owner who would let’m go routinely during biz meetings…like it was the “color” part of his speeches…every week she had a new story about it…ha!

yup…having fun now

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huh…we are not alone…

When you try to pee in the ocean, lake, or pond, is there a slight delay?

  • Yes at first, and then everything goes fine.

  • No, it happens immediately.

  • I haven’t peed in a body of water enough to know.

http://www.misterpoll.com/1707230442.html

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Was watchin a documentary the other week on sharks. Apparently the species that hunt seals…

Too bad for us that most of the larger sharks have seals and sea lions as a regular part of their diet. (Great Whites, Tiger sharks, Mako sharks, Thresher sharks…the list goes on.) And thoes of you surfing up in the north western states, Brazil, and other areas frequented by Killer Whales, might want to keep a look out for them as they toss 800 pound sea lions around like ragdolls just for fun.

Cheers,

Austin -A future marine biologist.

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Howzit doug, I was going to mention the fact that sharks can detect the smell of urine in the ocean and can track it to the source. Since reading about this I always piss before going out.Aloha,Kokua

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so …the "walking and chewing " title , Meecrafty …?? huh?

A change of pace [or is that “trajectory” ??] for a minute …

I know the human body is MORE than capable of producing number 1s, 2s , and 3s in stressful situations … here’s a thought / question …

has anyone thought of , or actually produced , a [for number FOURS!!..a new category !]

waterproof “butt bazooka” ,

the idea being , when these nosy sharks and other unpleasant ocean biteys attempt to get too well acquainted with your sorry soggy oceanborne mass …

  1. out with the butt bazoka

  2. strike a waterproof long match to the opening [of the bazooka, that is]

  3. work up a decent …er…charge …

  4. inset butt bazoka at opening of your crotchless jockless wetsuit , and

KAAAPOWWWWW !!!

[avatar style ] …damn , they edited my original blue flame avatar from where I got it …oh well , here’s a cheap substitute , minus the ignition !!]

[edit …if you click on the one about college boys lighting farts , you’ll see a 2 second film clip …

www.moviesxl.com/ movies/dumb.html ]

result ?

one freshly bbq 'ed shark to take home for your after-surf sausage sizzle …

like my mate “shark attack survivor Brad” , you’ll be the talk of the neighbourhod …if not the universe !!

" booooommm !!! ben "

disclaimer …firing the “butt bazooka” in the vicinity of nearby surfers could be harmful to their physical (and emotional) well-being …

point two …always check which direction the …ummm… “wind” is blowing , before loading the bazooka …

thank you for your attention …

please continue …

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Since the subject here seems to be potty humor check this out

http://www.mrmethane.com/

It would have to be an Englishman.

Rolly

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On a brighter note, sometimes expressing extreme smelly flatulence in a tightly sealed automobile just prior to rolling down the window when pulled over by a traffic cop can work wonders, but only if you can keep a straight face. If you are faced with a more serious violation you might try soiling yourself; many cops won’t want to deal with transporting a befouled body. This is unproven and risky, however. They might just beat you with sticks.

hence the expression , “I’m going to beat the crap out of you …”

33

so …

now this thread has pretty well [un?]covered number twos and threes in the water , and the likelihood or otherwise of shark attack as a result …

maybe Doc or some similarly scientific fellow could enlighten me …

what do number ones [vomits , aka “spews”] do in terms of burleying for sharks ??

on a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate faescaes , urine , vomit in terms of reliable shark attracting devices / strategies . [I’m thinking now it’s school holidays , the water is getting infested with boogie boarders …which of these three options has better smell / water coverage to bring the sharks in ??

thanks for any help in clearing the water , and getting uncrowded surf …

ben

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This can be fun educational!

Someone, tell us?

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Quote:
  • blind mullet = cool slang for a brown floaty

blind mullet = brown floaty = finless brown trout “if peeing your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis” - Billy Madison

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Senators have been known to wear “Texas Catheters” so they can endure a filibuster without using the bathroom. They pee through a tube into a bag strapped to their leg whenever they feel like it during those sessions.

“Sen. Rodney Ellis, D-Houston, who had napped earlier during the day, came to the chamber in tennis shoes and wearing a catheter as Senate filibuster rules would not have allowed him to interrupt his speech for bathroom breaks.”

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/special/05/legislature/3202473

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a “filibuster” …is that the front passage version of a fartbuster* , then ?

  • a “fartbuster” being one of several options !-

  1. people like the ghostbusters , only seeking out and ridding the world of excessive fart senders

  2. a cone , not unlike a “mute” on a trumpet inserted …well, you KNOW where …to diminish the fart’s volume / smell

  3. the opposite effect …the cone points outwards …producing what looks like the most unsightly case of haemmorhoids you’ll ever see , but with the plus of producing the most exquisitely amplifed farts you’ll ever here … see " collabarative fart orchestra " sub-heading [is it in the "swalopaedia yet ?]

38

We’ve been having a lot of red tide lately, but after reading this thread I’m beginning to wonder…damn you guys why don’t we all just hold it in!

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i was wondering if previous shark attack victims had peed before attack

but theres not many around to ask ???

could be a myth

as for poos

we always called em crocodiles where i grew up

or GROGONS

always a bit of laugh when your a grommie whos never grown up

Quote:

steamers

so thats why there called steamers:)

ever done one one of them on a cold winters morning in the middle of nowhere

i never met anyone one that admitted to a steamer in their steamer.

but i did slip over in one once

40

Hey Kokua!

Yeah, me too. I also shower if I get really sweaty - like if I’ve been landscaping (dunno why, just feels less sharky :).

And I avoid doin a “wetty warmer” as long as possible once I’m in the water. If the rate of attacks has been up (like the last few months) and I’m feeling sharky I’ll get out and take a leak under the cliffs.

And possibly none of that helps :slight_smile:

-doug